i am always tired. always. i have been tired for over 10 years now. i mean really, today, i am exhausted, which is what prompted this post, but i can’t think of one day since i have had children, that i wasn’t tired. it’s not like i walk around in a haze all day long, or i am pouring salt in my coffee, but i am definitely tired. i spend far more minutes of the day from the time i wake up until the time i go to bed, catering to others needs, than i do my own. this is the path i believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God has chosen for me. i am not complaining. well, not really….
but, i’m tired. wait, did i already say that?
some days, it’s hard for me to keep myself in check when one or all of the kids are driving me crazy. there’s just ALWAYS someone that needs something. amber, they EAT so much!!! all the time. how is it possible for their little bodies to eat so much?? someone always has to go to the bathroom— UNLESS i ask them to go, then no one has to go. every time we leave the house, i have to ask, no less than 15 times, if they have their shoes and all other pieces of clothing one would need to leave the house. this goes for everyone, including p (even though he will be 11 this year), more than once, we have arrived at a destination and one or more kids has no shoes. if we are lucky enough to get to said destination with everyone’s shoes, they will all need to put them back on because they have taken them off in the 5 minutes it took to get from point a to point b. we left the house the other day, and e had 2 different shoes on, and even though i KNEW it before we left, i let it go because i really had no desire to find the match. i have learned that if i don’t check the toilet seat before using the bathroom IN MY OWN HOME, i will more often than not, sit in pee. there’s always homework, papers that need to be signed, HOCKEY, work, a butt to be wiped, a fight to break up, something! always. something.
in all the hustle and bustle of our lives, i feel like i am missing it. we are so busy rushing from one thing to the next. you know when people tell you to soak it all in, or someday you will miss this. i know i will. i know they’re right. and, yet, no matter how hard i try, it never seems like i can.
then quiet time happens.
it may seem as though i am ready for my kids to go to bed, so i can take a break. that would be true. God knows i need a break by the time they go to bed! i will sit and watch as much mindless tv as i can squeeze in, and not feel guilty for a second. it’s more than that though. quiet time gives me time to reflect. it gives me time to think about the amazing things i accomplished that day. it gives me time to realize that my kids are pretty amazing. that it’s okay that they eat. i’m kidding… kind of.. it gives me time to look at their beautiful little faces, and know they’ll grow way too fast. it gives me time to breathe. quiet time is my time to count my blessings. amber, i know we are blessed beyond measure, and that the things i find so tedious at times, are just part of these incredible beings we have been blessed with. it gives me time to realize that they didn’t actually fight all. day. long. i can actually take a minute and think about how there WERE times that the hugged each other, and they laughed so loud, it made me laugh. it gives me time to repeat so much of what made me wild throughout the day to brent and laugh because even if at the time it was maddening, looking back on it, it was so funny, and, at the end of the day, there is no part of me that thinks it matters that e wore two different shoes to the hockey game, or that i picked the same toy up 637 times in one day , or had boogers wiped on me. at the end of the day, i am just so very grateful for all that we have. so, amber, please don’t forget about quiet time. it’s extra special.
what’s your happy place? leave us a comment!